Some testing definitions

The V model – A methodology applied to a task so brain-numbing that only a can of V will get you through it
Automation – A program that looks busy all the time and tells you that all the tests pass. If the tests don’t pass, it means it’s broken.
Browser compatibility testing – A long-winded exercise designed to tell you that hardly anyone uses Safari anyway.
Usability testing – And you thought triage was too long already.
Scope creep – That bastard who keeps adding new features and hitting on the female employees in the lunch room.
Agile – An excuse to do whatever the hell we want and call it a process.
Stand-up meeting – A pre-coffee meeting that everybody hates, except the project manager.

Intermittent defect – A bug that makes you look like a liar.
Can’t repro – The response you’ll get back for all your future defects after you’ve raised an intermittent defect.
Legacy System – The legacy of a project team who are no longer around. It’s usually evident as to why.

Before you say I’ve ripped off The Braidy Tester, let me get in first by saying yes, I’ve shamelessly copied his idea. Go read his list as well.